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You are viewing the most recent 20 entries March 21st, 200608:15 pm:
I love him. I had the best weekend ever. I got to spend THE ENTIRE WEEKEND WITH MY BOYFRIEND AND HIS FAMILY!!!!!! Well, his mother, his brother went back to their dad's house after friday cuase he was going to the air show. I got to spend the night!!! twice!!! friday night in the same bed and on sa. night on Kirt's bed. We went up to Lincoln to get our hair done. And then we got invited to dinner atFran's house on sunday night before Jeris brought me back up the hill.I would say home, but honestly, this past weekend with me being aroun thehouse made me start to feel like i lived there, and i loved it. His mother started crying on me whilei was getting my hair cut, which started Misty-dawn( thenice lady ding my hair, she's really cool) to start crying too. That nighti also got to go to Dawn's house. THis is a lotbigger deal then you think. They don't let people in, at least not that fast. I got to meet the babies, they are SOSOSOSO!!! soft!!! i mean i swear those cats have rabbit fur! lol. enought ranting, ere some basichighlights that continue to make me happy, or in one's case upset that i can deny it any longer, i'll start off with that one; - I am not a 'c' cup as i had been hoping for so long, but alas a 'DD'. damn you breasts!!! damnyou and all you stand for!!! -I am truely comfortable aroung his mother and i know that she loves me. lol. how about that? - I have gained acceptence with all of the closeclose family friends. -I spent the night!!!! - on Sat. Morning kirt came into the room and tackled us, hishands were freezing!!! lol. We chatted for a while and when mom came in to take him home, hesaid, quite distinctly, "bye sisder" in a little kid voice. YAY! but aw, because i can no longer drive him insane by calling him little brother. - apparently jeris has had many people tell her, 'wow, they are so in love!' - i called jeris momat least eight times on accident. all in all, i am feeing rather perfect. this has to be the least deadjournaly entry ever. lol. love you all. angi
February 12th, 200609:07 pm: wow.
It's amzing how fast everything has changed, and how much i love how it has changed. I keep on waiting for something to go wrong. But for once i am going to fully trust myself. kEITH is the one. I know iu have said i was in love before, but this is everyhting those every were and more. I can actually see me having a true future with him. Us getting married, having children and spending the rest of our lives together. the rind he gave me for v-day. holy shit. holy shit.
October 19th, 200509:51 am:
IT’s been a while and a long time too. I moved. I live in eldorado hills now. You didn’t leave CKM. Your still here you said I was a main part of that. You are still you and not with me. I ‘moved on’ dated Scott, he broke up with me. Once again I am the just a friend girl. I having been chilling hella with my homie Ruin, because he fucking rocks, even if he is stoned half the time. I love that boy. But I know he wouldn’t date me, for fear to ruin (lol) no pun intended. I know this because he told me. Chillin’ outnow. ttyl
June 20th, 200506:56 pm:
So I was right. I am in love. And it only seems to be scary now when your not right next to me. So this is what pure love is. It’s amazing and beautiful. So pure and yet, so tainted. Love is an dangerous angel, whether you think so or not. I am still a bit mad at myself for breaking the promise that I made you, and that I made myself. I know you told me not to be mad at myself, but it is still there a bit. I will get over it. Eccccccccch. I feel bad. And yet, I really don’t. I mean a part of me does, but then again, everything else is simply glowing. This is what god must feel like, minus knowing what everyone is thinking. To hold all three types of love and to be able to simply love something/somebody and not feel a complete need for it to be returned. I mean it would be awesome if it was and yet…. I am too happy simple giving myself over to my love of life right now. And to my love of you.
08:11 am:
 You need security. There has been many changes in your life and you have had to live in an unstable environment. This has lead you to be suspicious and always on guard. Your mind has a hard time to unwind and this could lead to you having sleeping problems, since you think too much. People are a category you don't give much trust at, and find yourself to be a better secret keeper than they could ever be. Because in your changing world you have learnt that you only have yourself in all times. What Do You Need in Your Life? [dark pics] brought to you by Quizilla
May 30th, 200501:29 am:
So I don't know what he's going to decide to do, but i hope he makes up his mind quickly, and that he realizes what it is that he truely wants. I stand by the fact that this is the first time that it has ever been this strong and as long as your happy i will be okay in the end. I would giv eyou anything you asked for and you know it. I feel like such a B-tard now, just because i know that i've said all of these things before. And it's like i've said in one of my posts on your journal, I have made mistakes, bibg ones in my past, but they are apst and they do not change who i am ultimately, and i can't undo what is already done. Just like i can't change how i feel. And honestly? I feel scared as hell right now. Scaed that after the summer that you'll dissappear from my life when you leave CKM. I really don't want that. Whatevar happens i know that i never want to lose contact with you. and even though i am scared, i am willing to take the chance, more so then ever. Ad yeah as i said, it's scary, but if you can, face-to-face look me in the eyes and tell me that you don't care about me like i care about you then at least still stand by me as my friends so we can stay in contact.
May 24th, 200508:16 pm:
I'm horny as hell. Goddamnit. why did you have to go home?
May 22nd, 200507:15 pm: ladedadadedadedaldedaladeda!
NO seriuosly, actually sing that! lol I am unshakable, and unbreakable! I knew this was wha ti need more then anything in the world. I am in love. I love everybody! * does a little dance* This is a bear hug warning! Rawr! rofl. :xp: :domo: Wow! watch out everyone. Becuas ei mean it. I am unchakabe and iam reidcoulously happy and it's going to stay this way for a while. I meet so many kool new people and got closer to those that i knew. * runs aroun all happy and teary eyed* Eric Is the first SLC REGI!!! Fuck Ya! i was so pround that i started to cry... * sniffsniff* You all get mad glomping hugs! 'specially you. Namaste
May 20th, 200509:22 am:
argh. Woke up at three in the morning with a throbbing headache. litterly fell out of bed and crwaled into the kitchen because it was so bad, and ten minutes later i finallly found the vikidan and then i went back to bed. I woke up later and i still have it tho- which really sucks becuase i am taking off for rally in a couple of hours and i had such a great day yesterday.<3 I think that it is so funny how much the little ones like me. he's different outside of school and honestly i like both parts of him. ONce in a while i do see a bit of the outside him in the school him, like when we were standing in the hall alone and there wasnoone else around... I have already told him how much i like him, and how inexplicable that it is, but it feels like he's just blowing me off. If he really doesn't like me at all, if he can't feel this, then i wish he would stop acting like he can, becuase it's just plain wrong. I have old people that i would give up everything for him. I mean it to, i would give up the whole thing w/ veggy. When we where sitting on the couch outside, i could have falllen alseep there and woken up in his arms, i wanted to so bad. To wake up and have him there, it's not like we'd have to have done anything, just the feeling and the knowledge that he is there.... ok. my head hurts way to much to be typing so i am going to go throwup from the pain now.
April 17th, 200512:16 am: fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck
I hate this. Why is it that all of a sudden there are these guys and they are there and i like them all and i don't know what the fuck to do. Kate tried to get me to pick one by labeling them a, b,c. and then trying to figure out if i would be happy with that answer. Kate, dearest, I wouldn't have the problem if i wouldn't be happy with all of them. WhY DID i melt? I don't know. I really don't. WHY? thank you for tuning in to this session of ANGST! PLease come again tomorrow!
April 15th, 200510:51 am:
Being out of the house isn't as bad as i thought that it might have been. I do feel like i am beginning to intrude on anna's family though. ANd i hate that feeling. I don't know what do yet about everything that has gone on in the past few weeks. For me I was always the girl with a lot of crushes, but i never had any of them like me back. And on top of that i hate hurting people... I am just gong to go with what feels right, even if it turns out to be wrong in the end, at lest i will still have fun along the way, right?
April 13th, 200507:08 am:
i wish he would make up his goddamn mind
07:06 am: gah
Um Yeah. Some of you already know, but I was kicked out of my house yesterday. MY dad said I threatened to kill him. LIES! I said that i have felt like it before, but i never directly said , " I am going to kill you" Am at Caddye's right now. Will be at anna's later. 'cause itz her goddamn birthday. If you wanna talk call my cell okay? and if you don't have it then... calll someone who does? okay? GAHGAHGAH!
April 5th, 200505:36 pm:
_kanae [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ archive | journal archive ] [Apr. 4th, 2005|06:05 pm] So yeah everyone. I am still alive and well. everyday i get a bit better. I'm at anna's right now just chilling aafter a day from hell. My dad. I wanna kill him. He is pissing me off so bad. I can't do anything right even when i'm not susposed to be really doing anything anyways. He has been guilt-trippping me in every possible way i hate it. I think i am falling for him too. Hard.
March 24th, 200504:01 pm: I'm home...
So. i am home now, and in more pain then i have ever been in in my life. And yet, It is still better then it was. Everyday i am doing a little bit more, walking a bit farther staying awake a bit longer, etc. This is my first day on my compy though. Which is good considering that it is my first 'full' day home. They have me on two vikaden, or however it is spelled, everyfour hours, so I do not sound like myself on the phone or in person for that matter. Thank yoou to every one who was able to visit me, and to those who called me and said hi last night from inferno. If one of you talks to Kyle, give him another birthday hug from me. Kale has called me a couple of times. Which is something new and intreasting. Nygel, Jackie and him need to get their asses over here and watch a movie or something with me. I am worried about Kale's urge and want to kill Coby though. I just don't get it. Coby's mom, Jan, told me that she loves me the other day. Now that was intreasting. I am hoping that they don't show up to visit on the same day Kale is here. I would prefer if noone was killed while I am recovering. but that's just me.
March 20th, 200510:11 pm: sssssssssssssooooooooooooooooooooo
Yeah so the surgery is on monday. w00t. I am thrilled. I mean That is just what i want to do on my spring break, get parts of me removed and have a needle shoved into my arm and the like.... mlargh. I love you all and if i wake up and all the doctors are dead because Kat's demon child ate them I am going to laugh my ass off. intreasting night at the movies. That is for sure. Try as i might I cannot control the fact that i love that boy. FUCK
March 10th, 200507:28 pm: Me? playful? NAh.
March 8th, 200506:40 pm:
So yeah. It is offical. In two to three weeks i will be going into sugery to have the grapefruit removed. The grapefruit being the cyst attached to my right ovary. i might lose my my ovary in the process. thrilled i assure you. The surgoen today told me that i would be in the hospital anywhere from 1 1/2 to 3 days. This is going to be a first for me. actually having to stay in the hospital.... I am going to my grandmas this weekend. I can't wait to tell her the news. I am still sick and sooo going to stay home tomorrow to get better. I am a bit scared. that's a really big cyst. I won't be able to walk to school for four to six weeks on top of that.... crap/ ~ autumn Current Mood:  sick Current Music: Tenacious D March 7th, 200508:29 pm: not the best day in the world that's for damn sure
So I have an appointment with a surgeon tomorrow. Lovely. Apparently I have a cyst the size of a grapefruit in me. w00t. I get to have someone cut me open and take it out so I can have children one day. Because the cyst is on/in one of my ovaries. OH just lovely. I am not exaggerating about the size unfortunately. >_< Can’t I just crawl into a hole a die like a normal person? Mlargh. I ran into someone that I havn’t seen since middle school. We have only exchange looks, no words as of yet. I am still coughing. A lot I keep having that feeling again that I am about to start coughing up blood. Not a pleasant feeling. Plus every time I cough my stomach cramps up. Maybe they’ll let me keep the cyst in a jar? Jk ~autumn Current Music: Wicked Little TownTommy Gnosis version~ Hedwig stephen Trask |
